Double Standards: One For Us, One For Muzungu

I apologize for delays in continuing the “Road Map” series that I started earlier. I have decided to wait and see if Abune Aregawi reaches into the celebrations of the “Uniting Group” and proves us wrong by inciting a spell against the Land Grabbing Settlers once their marathon merger actually takes place, now that they have a good idea of what they are expected to do as far as “the other” half of Eritrea is concerned (and congratulations!). With this in mind, I have decided to make a gesture of goodwill by helping them catch undetected “divisive elements” and recommend some changes of habits (such as “quitting smoking”) that they need to take in honor of indigenous African pride (AHfirkumna). Here we go:  

“Scattered in small communities throughout Eritrea’s western lowlands to north-western Ethiopia, the Kunama minority ethnic group, in particular, have had to endure the arbitrary violence inflicted upon them by the Christian dominant Tigrinya, partisan to the Afwerki leadership in its zealous pursuit of self-proclaimed cultural superiority.” (Emphasis is mine).

I didn’t write the paragraph above, and awate.com did not host it.  It is from an article that appeared at….. nharnet.com,  the website of the Spartan Crusaders, and the self-proclaimed Guardians of Eritrean Unity. And the author?  It is all good: this “divisive” article is authored by a clean-shaven Tilyan (a real one) from Brussels. His Excellency Mister Nikolaj Nielsen (and Nikolay please not Antolay) is who penned what I excerpted above. Oops! We have a little problem here. This time the host is not the usual suspect and the perpetrator is not “Black male – 6 feet 5 – in buggy pants and hooded sweater”.

If something is said by Tilyan, it can be published by nharnet and meskerem. If far less offensive thing is written by an Eritrean, and published at an Eritrean website, it is forbidden.  One standard for us, and one for Tilyan (Muzungu.)

Remember that scary tselel-melel on NHarnet and Meskerem about how Awate became the hub for those who are set on splitting the nation by igniting hatred among ethnic groups? I mean the tearful wailing about how Saleh Ghadi conspired with a bunch of clones to sow the seeds of hate among our population by crossing the red lines? Remember the EDP-EPP statements about how Tigrignas are wrongfully being accused of harboring ill intentions and backing the PFDJ and all the teHambele in Pal-Talk rooms and the spy camera pranks by pen-name Paparazzi? I was worried that little Desbele on steroids, Starvin’ Marvin (of South Park) in night vision goggles, Gebre Ande and company in traditional bikini size shorts and Haja-Kafra shoes and all the Hip-Hop Professors in begamindo lyrics would raid California and persuade poor old Saleh Ghadi to kick all the “divisive elements” out of Awate and to be forced to head for May-Chelot in Gabir Der’Anto.

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What are we supposed to say to that? Can I ask a little favor from “the Uniting Organizations” (thank you) … just a little statement, please, to condemn this guy for “sowing the seeds” and for accusing the “Christian Tigrigna” of inflicting arbitrary violence and for pursuing “self-proclaimed cultural superiority”? Oops again! I forgot that they don’t issue statements against Tilyan because what the Muzungus say is Halal and what we say is Haram.

Please pass my gratitude to Fratello Abdulrahman Said for hosting Nikolaj on his website Arkokebay and please remind him to write his “Two Trends” as I am sure he wouldn’t like “double standards” unless of course CDRiE would like to do it themselves (I will stay put for a speech of condemnation by Habtom Yohannes in the anticipated “Guayla Areza”).

To be honest with you – kitikuselkum – I am seriously starting to be confused, if you know the kind of confusion you get into when three respectful Abeyti Adi (from Adi Gebray) approach you and formally inform you (the way they informed the Colonel) that your head is no more on top of your neck. I found the condemnation of this guy necessary because contrary to our limited accusation to specifically the Land Grabbing Neo-Nazi part of the Tigrigna, brother Nikolaj takes it a little too far by accusing the whole “Christian dominant Tigrigna” of inflicting arbitrary violence against the Kunama and implicitly on others. So let me do my part of condemnation and hopefully the “Uniting Organizations” will follow:  

“I, Ali Salim, strongly condemn Mr. Nikolaj Nielsen for being wed-kelbet and for trying to drive a wedge among population groups who have lived side by side for centuries and for being a spy of the CIA. And I quote Fratello Asfaha (brackets mine): “The Webmaster (of NHarnet) himself is leading … to connect the dots on … the “Tigrigna Project” that includes … the list as “satellites” … Was it that bad really (for the Kunama) to lose their bearing over … (at) Idaga Derhu?” Weylkha Nikolaj … Weylkhum NHarnet!”

You think it is funny? Try to explain to them that, unlike Nikolaj, we are talking about specific Land Grabbers who happened to be Tigrignas who are stealing our land and exclusionists who are erasing our identity as a nation and our existence as part of that nation (forget about my argument of cultural prophecy fulfilled) and see how they react (before it is quoted as bible when repeated or rephrased by some Khewaja).

Exaggerating?

Well, did you know that the Eritrean-Sudanese border locks down, Haykota turns into a training camp and Tekhle Manjus goes on a rampage in Eastern Sudan shoving the nation “fi Tiz wiza” (into a duck’s ass) as soon as an opportunity emerges for the President to kiss the behind of a white guy? And did you know that it only took a few words from a white guy to ignite the dreams of Singapore and Asian Tigers in the ‘90s? Haven’t you seen any traces of this browning behavior and manifestations of a culture thriving in humiliation and sucking up to masters … in the opposition … may be in Brussels? I haven’t. 

What do you think was the source of the megalomania towards neighbors and partners that repeatedly motivated the President to stand naked in public and with a smile? A nod from a white guy! What do you think is getting the “Uniting Organizations” fired up? A lick from a white guy! Challenge me and I will hire a couple of white guys to sign their names on our articles and see if we don’t get every WaTa humming on how the Neo-Nazis have turned the lives of Lowlanders into hell and women and children dancing “Wesede … SaliH Ghadi be’Al sre”.

How sick do you become seeing your politicians and intellectuals acting kelbi Tilyan and becoming Cherini ni’Hafta Hadigas ni’Hamata!  Wouldn’t it be more honorable to develop a little bit of pride in the Eritrean story (and may be reach out to your own with better intentions) instead of gasping for approval of some racial idols? 

You don’t have to accept my proposition that this twist-to-fit (a fixed hole) campaigns fueling “Land Grabber ilomna” attitude (tebelli in Arabic) is actually more of a culture than a political position. I have no doubt you take for granted that the best friend who grew up with you since babysitting and continues to confide in you his most intimate experiences would be able to tell if what you think is happening (to the Kunama and others according to Nikolaj) is true and you have no doubt he would think you are well justified to react with disgust at the sight of thieves swarming your ancestral land. Well … if you don’t care for his friendship anymore ask him what he thinks of the Land Grabbers.

Or use the trick to chase away those gentlemen who pester you with their insistence on attending monkey meetings. Can you keep a secret? Take a taxi so that you don’t miss the meeting of the visiting baboon on the “Unification Process” and raise your hand pretending as if you would ask your usual questions about why the “erection” of Pushkin was at May-JaHjaH instead of Abashawl (when the latter would make more sense – given its historical contribution to the only service industry in post-independence Eritrea), and when you get the chance, go for the ticklish, “What is your opinion on land grabbers?” I guarantee you that you will have your weekends to yourself and you will enjoy a couple of blank seats at your favorite Starbucks, and if they are not empty, they will be the minute you walk through that door like Alexander the Great. If any of them sticks around however just give them “the look” and start asking “the question” and all you will hear as they turn their backs to you and head for the door is: “tetselilkum … Kemsebkum … bitsiHitkum … IndiElkum … niri’eyekum!” 

Our debates in the last few months did upset many people for different reasons. Most of them are not to blame: they have never heard about the kind of Eritrea that we are describing. A few of them are being told “you gotta do what you gotta do”. Think about it. When the Weyanes did the Land Grabbing their name was Hasadat … Teraro … Hiji do’Hayish … and the Oath of Allegiance was TseHay AytiberQin iya and when our dear monkeys went for the catch the excuses became meshakin … tegefifom … tegedidom … tedenagirom … selfi hizbi koynom. I am looking forward to a switch back to the excitement by reversing the branding of today’s thieves as Hasada … Akhlabat … Teraro … keener’eyekin ina!

I demand the recommendations regarding Cherini habits be discussed in the Uniting Congress and I hope I have helped.